Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just made my gag reflex go away.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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