They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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