He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
