Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
