Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
