Umm I'm too high to move.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
