Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
