oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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