No stitches, just platelets and will power
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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