Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
