the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
