I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So many bounce houses so little time
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
