Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
