No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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