so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
