My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
