Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
