dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
