theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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