she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
