Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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