Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
being pregnant is like rehab
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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