mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
