woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
