Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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