Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
