If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
