My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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