we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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