pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
