it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
