They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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