I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
