Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
