I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
