Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
