Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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