If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
why do cheetos always look like penises
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I got inside last night via doggy door
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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