i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
