Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Houston, we have a squirter
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
