We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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