You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just tell him i said nine months
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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