I puked a lego.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he puts the penis in happiness.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
