Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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