Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
