remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
