This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
