Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Vodka?
Forever.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
