Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
