apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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