Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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