I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
