so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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