If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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