after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
