yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
